Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
