God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
