what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
