i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
