I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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