I will die if light touches me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
