I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
