Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize