next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
