haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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