you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles