i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.