Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I have demons in me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
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The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides