I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
