The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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