If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
