im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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