My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
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The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
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Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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