Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
