Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize