dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
