I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
