Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
