I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
