my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
