the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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