Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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