A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
