i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
