Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
