Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
