It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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