I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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