I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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