overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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