i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
