YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Four minutes until I can fart!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
