you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
