five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
false alarm. still invincible.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
