Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
