I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
