Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
