I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
