a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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