woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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