I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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