That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
