That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
