Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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