I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
