I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
