2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
