Will you blow on my dice?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
