You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
