i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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