fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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