i already hear my dad disowning me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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