upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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