He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
