U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
