We're facebook friends in real life
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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