i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
